Thursday, November 12, 2009

it's been a while, seriously. this will be my comeback. i feel that sometimes blogging is when you can release everything that u want to say that u will normally not say to anyone. so it's kinda like a dairy, in a way. this year for me has been quite a tough year. usually after the final exam, people will be happy but for me things are different. im so worry about everything that could possibly ruin my career pathway. now, here is the story.

in the beginning of this year, i went oversea for study purpose. it's suppose to be fun and awesome but it turned out to be a tough experience. at the first place i stayed at, i couldn't concentrate at all, i was worried about this and that. the landlady was a bit crazy, i don't know how to explain but i just thought that she is. in that house, that was when things started to fall apart and worries started to pile up. so i knew that i had to move and so i did move to a place nearer to school. in the new house, the landlord wasn't that good and im not just saying it. i know i shouldn't be demanding but how the heck can you even concentrate doing what you want to do. it's just not the right mood in the right place. after so many months of living there i move again. the school didn't want to let me move when i first complained but my last complained worked. so i say bye bye to that house and hello new house. i thought the new house wouldn't be that good but it turned out to be not just good but AWESOME! this house just gave me the feeling of a real house (like my real home). even though i got into a good place with the right mood but it was already too late. ive missed out things in the past 8 months (note that i moved in september). couldn't really catch up everything that i missed. then 1 month later, school exam then 2 weeks later final exam. it was too late (that's what i thought). i didn't want to tell my dad that it's because of the houses ive been living in didn't give me the mood to settle down. that's just a pathetic excuse, who would freaking believe that. -_- now i feel like im the one who is letting my family down and also an embarrassment to them all. i feel like im so unlucky that i moved in to not the right house in the first place and then the second place. maybe it's a challenge from god, i don't know. i just want god to lead me the right way even though if it's another challenge that i will face but i know he will face it with me till the very end. all i need is another chance, an opportunity that will be given to me. {Lord, i pray that everything will be alright because we're protected by you and you prepared out future. we are all created for a purpose and i believe that everyone of us will do right. we will be blessed by u even when we're going through a tough time. i believe in the end there will be a happy ending to every single person. I pray in the mighty name of the lord, AMEN}


Javi being me at 5:21 AM

you are not worth my time